IS KNOWING THE FUTURE A BENEFIT OR A CURSE?

“Infuse your life with action. Don't wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen yourself, right now, right here on Earth.”     -- Bradley Whitford

i  have often wished a piece of my future would be revealed to me so I would know my purpose and what would become of my life.  I wanted someone or something to give me a sign that would outline the steps I should take to fulfill my destiny.  I questioned whether I was doing the right things to justify my existence, if I should be doing more, or if doing less was good enough.  Should I be angry about unfortunate events and blame others for my misfortune or do what I can to change the circumstances?  These questions arise as a result of our privileges and our challenges.  

For a long time I was bitter that I was diagnosed with cancer that took nearly two years to eradicate.  And, when my treatment was over, that I had to live with significant challenges cancer survivors face. i saw myself as a diluted, less impressive version of my pre-cancer self and thought these and many other post-treatment situations were unfair. However, I just celebrated my 50th birthday and today is my 16th anniversary of being cancer-free -- two milestones which I didn’t think I’d see. and, despite my hurdles, I consider myself lucky.

My resolve, positive attitude, competitive nature, and humor help get me through tough times.  But equally (if not more) important is the overwhelming amount of love and help I received, and continue to receive, from countless people, including doctors, companies, family, friends, and complete strangers who choose to step outside their own situations to lessen the burden of another.  This recurring phenomenon bolsters my faith that positive energy truly fuels our existence.

With the benefit of hindsight I wouldn’t change one thing about my life. If someone told me 30 years ago the crosses I was destined to bear, I probably would have lived too fearfully, too cautiously.  A neat and definitive map would only give me permission to mask my fears, prevent me from learning and experiencing all that life has to offer, and enable me to function in a myopic state with a big heart, but nowhere near as big as it is today.  

Nobody knows for sure why we are all here.  nevertheless, i believe we have a responsibility to behave lovingly and justly because, despite our individual plights, many are living with more difficult situations that are not always obvious.  living nobly enhances our finite time on the planet and strengthens the positive energy we contribute to the universe. Life is neither neat and clean nor easy. It’s messy and confusing with no guarantees about the future. Challenges always arise but during these times I make every effort to stay true to my principles.  By doing so, I trust my actions and behavior will determine the summary of my life and it will be good.

​My husband says, “Life is a series of habits and experiences so make your habits intentional and your experiences amazing.”  With these words in mind, everyday I try to live the gifts I have been given and help more people than have helped me. In short, who I believe I am will dictate what I will become.